Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
