I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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