saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
