No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
you made out with another girl for some wings
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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