In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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