Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
