alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Also, beer. Big fan.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
