I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
