I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
