he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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