just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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