we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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