I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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