We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
