I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
