Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
