Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just threw up on my dentist
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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