I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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