He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
