Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
