I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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