I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
