I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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