Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
