If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
