We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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