That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
operation have a gay friend backfired
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
