I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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