Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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