Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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