I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
