That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
