So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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