Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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