Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
