she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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