they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
