I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
