Your face is a jimmy john
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
