She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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