I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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