got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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