areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
