I love having hate sex.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
