hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
