I am spending my child support on dildos
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I will be naked everywhere
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
