Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
