you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
