dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
