Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
