I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
