haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
