His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
