Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
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I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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