you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
