he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
