You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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