my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
