Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
