I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
