tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
