I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
