It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Randomize
