I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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