dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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