the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
