drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
