the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize