can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
