I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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