im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
