i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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