i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
