well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
