New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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