I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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