I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
