i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
